ugghhh.....

I'm sick. I HATE being sick. Luckily my mother still likes to baby me and both her and my boyfriend are quite good at giving me all the attention I need :) I can't believe I'm sick AGAIN but it does leave me a lot of time to ponder. I was looking for a place to start studying the bible today -I never feel like I'm starting right - but I was flipping through it and a card from the beginning of last semester fell out. I think it's a card I received at the beginning of the semester at a girls night we usually have in CoMo. On the card, I had written a verse ( Col 3:12) and a note to myself that said, "I will not waste my life by having useless conversations, lifeless relationships, and empty actions that buffer me from being a gentle, loving, catalyst for others". Wow. It's been a long while since I felt so confident in myself. It's not that I don't want that - it just seemed to fizzle throughout the semester. I decided to look up the verse too...

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (13) Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  (14) And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Colossians 3:12 - 14

Have I done this? Have I truly done this lately? Not sure. I guess if I'm not sure, that probably means I haven't. The words in these verses seem so whole, so wonderful in my mind - if only I could achieve such things! To put on such garments would make me more beautiful than any make-up or designer jean could. 

Forgive as the Lord forgave me - I feel like I could never do that because he is so perfect and I am so not... but why couldn't I try? I have plenty of people I wish would forgive me. Why not forgive those like I should? I wonder exactly why I let such negative things come into my head. My mind is so troublesome - but I know this for sure - my God can do anything. Sometimes I feel so cheesy saying that - like a TV evangelist or the so-called "bible-thumper" - but its so true! 

And over all this - put on love - which binds them together in perfect unity. Unity. What we desire most. I love how God is so - so many words I can't even choose one. He's so wonderful. Grand. Perfect. He put this beautiful connection together for us. If we can love others - we are also loving him! So self-sufficient! So utterly full of grace that he would tell us what we could do to please him! So forgiving! So patient! It's like in the lyrics that I posted yesterday - all of these words would never be enough to describe the wonders of our God. 

This is an excellent time for me to start putting on the right clothes. New year, new resolutions, and a new outlook on life. I will not waste my life by having useless conversations, lifeless relationships, and empty actions that buffer me from being a gentle, loving catalyst for others. I will clothe myself in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. With love, all these things can be unified, for my one and only Savior.