Bummer! My computer is DEAD!

She died in my lap just 15 minutes ago.. *sigh* so much life to live, so much lack of plug in to energize her. Luckily, my parents have a fair enough computer I will borrow for the time being.

MAN. I'm kinda ticked! I hate when I get to a place where I can sit down and type and all the things that I've thought of throughout the day have gone out the window. So many thoughts. So many ideas! Its simply aggrivating. I guess that's what I get for slacking off the past couple of days.

I went back to CoMo for a couple of nights to help a friend with a promotion of a Vision retreat ( the BSU has recently begun putting on conferences for high schoolers around the area - I'm quite proud to be somewhat involved! ). It was fun - I feel for the kids though. I honestly hated high school - I guess maybe I just didn't have a good "experience". I imagine most of it was my fault...I felt that no one liked me and so they probably didn't. I can't dwell on that though - I'm a different person now. I hate getting so caught up in what has been because it just drains the life out of me! I don't want those kids to feel like I did though. I felt left out because I don't think anyone (besides my loving parents of course) really wanted to take the time to get to know me or see any type of potential.

Thats also probably a reason I have some grudges that I can't seem to wipe from my slate. I'm trying.. I'm really trying to just let go of those who I feel should have really taken the time to get to know me better.. and my "if only's" can only be repeated so many times... I don't want those students to think that they are useless too. I'm so glad I've been able to be a part of a community of people who feel the same way. The guys and girls that put on these things are amazing. AMAZING. Every heart is checked and passes with flying colors in my eyes - they give up so much time and effort just so that kids around the area can have some fun and feel the love of God! There's nothing like it you know, the feeling of the love of God. I get chills when I'm able to stand with my friends and watch what God does through these retreats - they are a blessing for those who serve in them too. That kind of passion gives me hope for the future, and blinders from the past that so easily distracts me.

I'm starting to feel the stress of school upon my shoulders already, and I still have about 2 weeks of vaca left! I have to study for this calculations exam for nursing school - it's at SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING on THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.. so I think that's pretty lame. I guess I understand though - we have to take these things and pass every semester so we might as well get it over with. My room is kind of a mess because I gave my desk away - I'd really like to get that organized before I get into classes. Books, payments, schedules - little stuff but kinda BIG at the same time. I know things will be fine - I'd just really like to not screw up so much this semester haha~! Lord help us all.

I do feel a change in the wind - something big. We shall see.