A little upset.. and awake.

So, I've been studying for this exam I have tomorrow morning at 10... and decided that I'd go to sleep as soon as possible. 10 PM I closed my eyes...I guess my body feels like an hour and  a half is enough to suffice me through the night. It was like a nap. I just want some sleep. 

I feel like I will hate myself In the morning.

Sometimes I just think about things too that wake me up. Literally. 

Sin - I just don't understand why its so okay in my mind when I'm commiting it, and why there is a delay of guilt ..kinda? Or its like I know its coming but I don't seem to care. I have this false reality that I'm not going to be affected by it. WRONG. I always am. Just like sleeping in way too much and not being able to sleep at night. No matter how much I like to claim that I can sleep through anything my body plays tricks on me and acts like I can't. 

Now I just keep thinking that there is no hope for me and this exam. 

Am I normal for thinking that God punishes me through my grades? Is that normal? I can't help but think - there I go again, thats gonna cause me a bad grade. It may sound ridiculous and I sometimes hope it is but I really think that a lot. I mean - does God really care what my grades are? Ick. I feel ugly all over. Just like my run-on sentences. I always overcompensate for those too. 

Is it possible for me to be positive EVER?