Lately I've been wondering about the issue of the gift of singleness, and who it's really intended for. It is one of my lowest achieving spiritual gifts, and yet I can't help thinking maybe that's changed since the last time I took a test having to do with spiritual gifts. (my first is the gift of learning :) )
I was utterly single last semester. I say utterly because it had been so long since I had not been in a relationship - and people actually asked how I was and not "where is you're other half". Not that that question is bad, I just realized that I was not a real person - I was pseudo-self if you will. That is what happens when you are in a relationship I realize, I mean a relationship, especially in marriage, two become one. But what happens when you start to think that one can do more for the Lord than two?
1 Corinthians 7:32-35
"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs - how can he please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how can he please his wife - and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned with the affairs of this world- how can she please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in the right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."
The way Paul speaks about this subject to the Corinthians seems so true. I mean, from what I know, my walk with the Lord has been more stable when I'm fully leaning on him even when its out of sheer loneliness. I know that some people struggle horribly with the fact that one could live alone in this world. I am not saying that I don't, but I feel now that I would be okay alone. Maybe.
1 Corinthians 7:8
"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
I think most would agree that this is true. I mean, God created a helper for Adam, because he was lonely. We were meant to be social, loving, caring, intimate creatures who form communities in which we are social, loving, caring, and intimate. Being a hermit is not the way to go - we are called to be interactive.
My questions are many of this subject. How do you know if God is telling you you are to be single for him? When do you know if this is for a certain time or for the rest of your life? How do you know thats not just a trap that your mind bends because "you aren't worthy of a companion". What happens if you just don't feel pulled any certain direction?
My mind usually doesn't stop reeling at night, so maybe this is just ridiculousness because the Lord gives to whom he wants to give, and gives us nothing we cannot handle right? I am such a control freak sometimes I just blow up when I can't see the way out of a situation.
I'm confused on what my calling is to do right now! Am I disobeying God if I am in a relationship and I feel like it is tugging at my relationship with Him? Am I just trying to deny what is right for me because I'm scared that I'll make the wrong choice or miss out if I don't pursue a relationship? Am I scared because I have been brought up by a generation who denies their faults and doesn't answer questions or respond to christian intimacy? Sex is not bad - its God ordained. But should we keep far from it because it can easily entangle us even when we are married?Questions, Questions.
The books I've read on Christian dating are great, but there seems to be questions that cannot be answered except in one's own heart.
All I want to do is follow the right path, all I want is to do his will!
I feel like maybe it's not whether you choose to be single or in a relationship, but that its the relationship you keep with God that matters. I know plenty of wonderful God-loving couples who have done so much for me, my friends, and the world and yet I feel like the single christians that I know get more "credit".
Sometimes I feel terrible because I feel like this is an issue I shouldn't even be worried about. I still have 2 years of college left. Are my worries just useless? They are not deep social/political issues, they don't deal with the poor or war, but why does my mind contend with this over those right now?
All in all I guess I really just need to keep in mind at least these two verses:
Philippians 2:13
" For it is God who works in you to will and act according to his good purpose"
- As christians, we are willed to do good no matter what our status
Philippians 4:6
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God"
- well said.
2 comments:
those are some great thoughts-- some real things to wrestle with -- i love reading your thoughts!
"How do you know if God is telling you you are to be single for him? When do you know if this is for a certain time or for the rest of your life? How do you know thats not just a trap that your mind bends because "you aren't worthy of a companion". What happens if you just don't feel pulled any certain direction?"
About the "gift of singleness": take heart, because there's no such thing!
The "GoS" was a phrase coined in the 60's by the editors of the Living Bible in their erroneous interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7:7 ("God gives to some the gift of marriage and to others the gift of singleness"). It has since been fixed. If you go to the website of the Living Bible (now called "The New Living Tranlation"), you'll find that it now reads "But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another."
The "special gift" is referring to those rare few who choose singleness for the sake of the kingdom (as per Matthew 19:11-12, "not everyone can receive this teaching except for those so given"..."MADE THEMSELVES eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom", let those who can receive it, "receive it").
Paul did not mean to say that all single people have "the gift of singleness" or that one must wait passively for God to give them either the "gift" of marriage or singleness, as the old NLT version suggests. As you can see in your quotation of verse 8, "good to remain as you are, but better to marry than to burn", it's left up to the individual to decide. Same thing later in the chapter ("let him do what he wants", verse 36, "she can marry whomever she wants", verse 39). Nowhere in the New Testament does God tell anyone to stay single, and only once in the OT (Jeremiah, but even that was limited to a specific place and time). Likewise, there are no NT examples of "divine matchmaking" or promises that God will confirm that a particular choice is "the one". Marriage is almost always spoken of in the scriptures in terms of human volition and effort.
Bottom line: God leaves it up to us whether or not to marry (and to whom). How His sovereignty works in it is a mystery. Nevertheless, the onus is put on us to decide within whatever options are in front of us from moment to moment. And that's why so many people are single today -- it's an entirely new thing for people to take the time to "shop around". It's not as if God has changed -- we have. Pondering over our marital options and looking to God going "what do you want me to do?" is the product of modern church teachings about the "gift of singleness" and it's brought with it all kinds of "unintended consequences" that are finally being addressed by new Christian writers like Candice Watters, who has a website and book for "women praying boldly" for a husband: www.helpgetmarried.com
I hope that helps.
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